BUY!
Home This is the saga of TSA and the Siberia Gym. Web Design, history, frustration, and a few side trips. TSA is no expert, but he tries hard
October 5, 2004 I hear footsteps and the door burst open, well I guess all do is hear it. Then I hear a big scream and a big plop. Water flies every where. What happened I think?
October 4, 2004 So I am standing on a toilet in a restroom along side an interstate. I am think if I get caught by a cop what am I going to say. You me and the law sometimes do not see eye to eye, on a few things.
But the kid is gone. But I am just standing there hunched down waiting for one of the bad guys to come in.
October 3, 2003 So the kid leave and the floor is flooded with an inch of water. He tied the flusher down with tape and stuck a roll of toilet paper in the toilet. Bad kid, only thing I ever did to a toilet was flush a cherry bomb down it and blow up the piping in my school.
October 2, 2003 In the meantime some goofy kid comes in and plugs a toilet deliberately and over flows the bathroom. He does not see me since I am standing on the toilet so they can not see my feet.
October 1, 2003 So I go to the bathroom at a rest area. My plan was to sneak out a window. But the windows were too small. I got my head through but no way would my shoulders go through. So my next plan is to just hit a good coming in the door and figure out what to do.
September 30, 2003 Okay, here is what happened. I am in the rental car going down, I 90. These two guys are following me. So what do you do? Lead them home to MOM? No way. So saw this in a movie. Go some place like you are going to bathroom and go in and either climb out the window or stay in there until a goon comes in.
September 29, 2003 Well I am at Mom's. Safe and sound, she gave me a big hug. I will tell you more about my encounter tomorrow.
September 28, 2003 Well no plan but I had to do something. I could not let these goons follow me to Mom's. So I had a plan, to get them a rest area. Okay 2 against one, stupid right, but hey it is mom, and you got to protect your Mother.
September 27, 2003 Well guess who was waiting in Cleveland, the goons. You can pick them up from a mile away. So what do you do? I mean they had not shot me yet so why shoot me in Cleveland. I mean who would want to die in Cleveland.
September 26, 2003 Okay got to go see Mom and try to shake these guys off me. I have bought a plane ticket from Houston, to Atlanta Chicago, Detroit, and to Cleveland. Yes, Cleveland, close to where mom lives.
September 25, 2003 Well the guy followed me when I left my Hotel. The boss called and said look take one more, but be careful? I will some people are following me. He said, Don't worry, be happy and hung up!
September 24, 2003 Okay, there are some Russian guys following me here. May be I am paranoid. But how many guys to find skating at the Galleria, with black suits on, flat top hair cuts, no neck, and speaking Russian. I was ice skating they guys were about 5 meters behind me.
They followed me to my hotel also then left.
September 23, 2003 The Boss called he says, well the rumors are still flying that I killed my deputy. No sign of the guy, so he says just take a few more days in Houston. Enjoy myself, and he said yes you will get paid for the time. Honest I wish I knew where my deputy was. He had connections so may be he might come after me.
September 22, 2003 Well I have been wearing my Siberia Gym T shirt. People ask where is the gym. I tell them Siberia, and they give me the old fish eye look. Just glassy eye, then they say, right, sure the gym is in Siberia. So I go into my long story, the history, etc. and they normally just walk away shaking their heads.
September 21, 2003 Okay lots of food, but boy lots and lots of fat people. I mean it seems like 50% of the people in Houston are over weight. Some, well they can not get through a door.
September 20, 2003 America, boy the food they just pile it on your plate. One meal here is enough to feed one Russian family for a week. Okay, a small family. And food is everywhere. I just forgot how it was.
September 19, 2003 Okay the boss called. He says get ready to head back in the next few days. It is time to leave. I am missing the gym and Siberia, NOT!
September 18, 2003 Well guess what got my guns, license, and birds back. Seems the judge did a little checking and verified my story. That I was working in Russia and had a few screws loose as they say. Well not really that but he said well anybody that works with them Russians for so long has just gotta be okay.
September 17, 2003 Well got caught again. Yes, we had 30 birds a piece. You are only allowed 12 so we were in big trouble. Lost both guns and my license plus had to pay a fine.
I guess it would have been okay, but I tried to "bribe" the game warden with 100 dollars. That did not work very well at all. He said, "What in the hell are you trying to do?" I said, "just normal do it all the time." Wrong thing to say. Next thing I knew, he had my guns, license, and birds and we were headed to see a judge. Took lots of explaining to stay out of jail.
Told them how i work in Russia, etc. then he said just shut up and get the hell out of here.
September 16, 2003 Well we just got them birds. They were falling out of the sky. I even used two shotguns at a time. More tomorrow.
September 15, 2003 Still in shock about selling something. And went to Cafepress and added a few things like a mouse pad. Good idea since it is a best seller!
September 14, 2003 Will talk about birds later. To our amazement we sold a shirt in June. Yes we actually made a sale to somebody besides ourselves. So we have moved officially into internet commerce.
September 13, 2003 Well it is now 4 AM. Early huh? Went to bed at 1 Am. Just going through my checklist. 2 guns, 2 cases of shells, case of beer, boots, cellular telephone, folding collapsible chair, ice chest, etc. Think I have everything.
September 12, 2003 So I got carried away. Drank about 10 beers. And started yelling a bit too much. Now my friend trys to calm we down but he had a few too many also. Well they called the security guards on us. We settled down for a few minutes. Then, well we got kicked out of the expensive box seats. They let us go to the nose bleed section with the other low life. But we had a good time, anyway.
Well one of the other rowdies, well he had gotten kicked out also from the box seats. So we had a good time. And he invited me to go kill little birds on Saturday.
September 11, 2003 Well it was a great game. But you know they ruined things. In the Astro Dome, one of the eight wonders of the World, well it was just a big party. At the Reliant Center, well it is like being in a 5 star hotel. You got to behave and there is carpet everywhere. And all you see is upper class white people. What fun are they? Most of the people there were older white guys who have retired.
And the prices, hell 6 bucks for a beer. And $5 for a hot dog.
September 10, 2003 Well today Wednesday. I am ready to go see the Houston Astros play. Yes, I like base ball. My friend a former executive with a Major Oil Company is taking me for free. But he made me promise to behave.
September 9, 2003 And holy mosquitoes. America Russia News has climbed up to number 8 for Russia News. All this with no update in 3 months! Kinda blows a hole in the theory you have to work at web design to get in the top 10.
September 8, 2003 Well we have climbed up again in some keywords. Like Siberia, where we are in the top 20. So visits are climbing back up.
September 7, 2003 Well you know the limit is 12 birds. And I had shot 25 with two shots. So not being one to waste food I took all 25 with me. Stopped to see a friend of mine. He was sitting around with a few friends drinking beer and talking about dove hunting. Well, guess what I described how I got my 25. And of course one of the guying drinking there was a game warden.
So I got plenty of free beer but lost 13 birds. He said I love doves, so give me 13 and I will not fine you.
September 6, 2003 Well hell just went hunting where I wanted to. I found this big tree with lots of doves sitting in it. It was 5 AM when I got there. Since I had brought two shotguns I took them both. About 6:30 I shot them birds.
A shotgun in each hand. Well would you believe i got 25 birds with those two shots? I guess they figured nobody would shoot them in the dark! Fooled them.
September 5, 2003 Well I think another day of dove hunting tomorrow. Nobody called me. Would you believe they want 50 USD to go and killed 12 little bitty doves? Those things are just a little bigger than our mosquitoes in Siberia.
September 4, 2003 Well would you believe we might get our first sale? Somebody actually asked if we sell tank tops. Of course did not have it on the sight so quickly added it. But no sale
September 3, 2003 Well they are still talking about my bird hunting. Look why not hit them with a tree stump? It is fair? No law against killing things with a tree stump?
September 2, 2003 Okay, well shot about 300 shells and got 5 birds. Actually only shot 2 of them. I kept missing the damn things. So we set up a group of decoys in a tree. Well a flock landed in the tree.
Would you believe they would not let me shoot them in the tree? So I picked up a tree stump and threw it at the tree. Well I got 3. Not sure if they got hit or just died of a heart attack when they saw a tree stump coming.
September 1, 2003 Up at 5 AM to go shoot little birds. Will let you know tomorrow how it turns out.
August 31, 2003 Well a friend called and wants me to go with him to kill animals, actually shot doves. They are little birds that fly fast and wild. Told him not good at killing small things. He said it is fun. So agreed to go
August 30, 2003 Left Moscow and landed in Houston today. Love Houston, Hot, muggy, and lots of mosquitoes just like Siberia. But called up some old friends, big plans.
August 29, 2003 A great day at the gym in Moscow. They 3 guys were Whimps, beat them in all lifts but a good day. So will fly out tomorrow for sure. They are even taking me to the airport.
August 28, 2003 Well went down to the bar and guess what three guys walk in the door about 11 o'clock. I thought I was in big trouble. Turns out they just wanted to meet me. Seems they are big fans of the website and wanted to meet Siberian American. Through their connections they tracked me down. They talked me into spending another day in Moscow to visit with them at their gym.
August 27, 2003 Landed in Moscow but have to spend the night. When I landed a group of about guys seemed to be following me. So got the driver and ran out of the airport. Jumped in his car and took off. Well they guys came out running also. Well our driver has a supercharged Lada, only one in Russia, and he lost the guys. So I switched hotels to make sure nobody had given them an inside tip.
August 26, 2003 Well catch the flight at noon. So packing up right now. Well visits were down, but they are surging right now. So hope that August matches or beats July
August 25, 2003 Okay the big day is tomorrow, I leave. Can not wait. Will knock a few head together today to keep everyone in line when I am gone.
August 24, 2003 Life is a trip. The boss says he will pay for the whole trip, plus expenses. Don't understand he is never that generous.
August 23, 2003 Well need to drive visits but struggling with it, how to increase visits. We are linked from about 10 sites now. And yes know we should have 50. Just who would want to link. Big decision is whether to become a kids site or not. UGH!
August 22, 2003 No word from my deputy now, not a word. Rumors are he is being kept captive as a slave in the Southern Part of Russia. This may be true. Know the General Director is from that part of Russia. They do those things down there. But honest the guy deserved it. Turned out he was really making the rounds here.
August 21, 2003 Good news for the workers. I am leave on August 25. Looking forward to it. The Gym is doing well. I am there every day as usual.
August 20, 2003 Life is a trip. Some guy wants we to help him with a art design project. Yes, wants some inside information or something. He is asking me Siberian American? What am I a high school graduate?
August 19, 2003 the internet is up and running. Visits well up and down like a yo you. But went ahead and updated the German site. Yes, talked to him, he is in some military force somewhere. He will not say except that he did something called the Crucible. That word is not in my dictionary.
August 18, 2003 Yes internet still down so the boss says say until it is up. I went to our provider and scared the hell out of them. A baseball bat is a big motivator, especially when you use to break a desk in two pieces.
August 17, 2003 I have accepted the delay. Oh, you business is good here. I guess you figured I did nothing. No, I have been pushing our staff to get the job. We have been working up a storm. My daily threats of firing and physical intimidation have been working and well.
And the internet is still down. I am going through withdrawal. Now I know how a drug addict feels!
August 16, 2003 Well the boss put off me leaving until Wednesday. Thanks boss. Do you know what it is like to spends months here then at the last moment be told to stay? Of course you do not. You live in a civilized country and have not even been to the next city.
August 15, 2003 Okay, internet still down. Rumors are that somebody but to cut me off from the web site. Can you believe that? Might be true but you know if you work here too long you get paranoid.
August 14, 2003 Okay well this is the pits. The internet is down. I cannot live without. The World can not live without the words of Siberian American.
August 13, 2003 Well leave in two days. Enjoying the last few days. Honest, this web stuff drives me nuts. Don't see us ever being successful. Got to get that out of my head, be positive. May be issue an order that everybody who works here has to buy something from the site?
August 12, 2003 Well after much debate I have decided that I will head for the USA. Houston Texas in fact. No I am not from there. Just because you are in the Oil business everyone assumes you are from Texas.
August 11, 2003 So decision time. All I know is I do not want to go where my Deputy is now!!!
August 10, 2003 The boss called and said I need take a break. He said he believes I did not kill my deputy but the big boys back in the USA are even hearing rumors.
August 9, 2003 The police showed up today asking questions. When was the last time I saw my deputy. Do you know anybody who did not like the guy? I told them yes, everybody in town. No sense of humor they told me to shut up.
August 8, 2003 Okay, the boss does not believe. Rumors are going around that I may be killed by deputy. Of course I thought about it but I would never to it. I had no intention of drowning him in the outhouse tank.
August 7, 2003 Well it took a whole day to recover form the shock, but back working. My deputy has not appeared for work. We have called his apartment but no answer for the last 24 hours. My boss called and thinks I had something to do with it. I told him call the General Director of company X and ask him. I am innocent as a new born lamb.
August 6, 2003 Well we finally got moving and went back to the base. Well actually we went to an all night bar and got wasted, including my driver. Took a taxi back to the base. Went to bed about 6 am and locked the door. You know it was funny getting my deputy but was it worth it? Makes you think what should you do with your life, stop working in Russia, may be?
August 5, 2003 Well we stood there. You know when you have a gun at your back you start thinking. What the hell am I doing here!!!!!!!!!!
August 4, 2003 So my deputy, they got him down. Threw him into the trunk of a Volga. I mean threw him. We just stood there and waved as they drove off with him. All I have to say is we were a little nervous. Actually I was afraid to move for about an hour. Just stood there by the outhouse thinking, almost bought the ranch.
August 3, 2003 All they did was said was do not say a word. They said thanks for doing part of our job. We had been trying to get this guy alone for weeks. Thought you were some of our people for a second. I told them, no problem if you want guy take him. They said, we will and no problem with you guys you must be our business. We will take care of the rest of the problem.
We tried to act cool, but any minute we were waiting for the guns to start shooting. But they polite and thanked us again for find the guy and getting him alone. They said they had been waiting 100 meters down the road for the guy to leave the banya.
Last person here right? I said, Yes definitely everybody has gone.
August 2, 2003 Well when his head had passed the floor but not in the "shit" he screamed okay I know Olga. I know her well. He just spilled his guts and told everything. Boy this guy and gal were a weirdo. He asked what do we want. We had made up a fake recording of an electronic voice that said, leave town within two days. He said no way. Well his head got to just touching the stuff. and he said okay.
Well what happened next caught us by surprised. The General Director's private police(okay mafia) comes up behind us with masks. We did not notice until the barrel of an Kalashnikov touched me on the shoulder. I did not say a word just tapped my driver on the shoulder and pointed back over mine.
August 1, 2003 We do not say anything except, Olga, Olga, the name of the General Director's wife. He screams I do not know an Olga. What a lie everybody knows an Olga in Russia. But what can you do? Well lower him closer to the remains of previous banyas. We made the hole big enough so he could be lower into the tank below.
Boy did he start screaming when we just lowered him 1 cm
July 31, 2003 We put masks on because we have information that my deputy has been fooling around with the wife of the General Director, biggest company in town. Very dangerous thing to do. And it gives us something to scare the guy with. Well he finally wakes up about 3 AM. He already has about 100 mosquitoes bites. He is a little upset. I mean who would not be? Hanging upside down in an outhouse, mosquitoes bites, and two guys laughing at you wearing masks.
July 30, 2003 So our banya is a little primitive. We have an outside toilet and out house. I mean a good one. Good size can handle 3 people at one time. And it is tall. So we take the deputy outside. He is still out of it. We hang him by his feet in the outhouse. on a small winch.
Did I forget to mention that we had stripped off his clothes.
July 29, 2003 Well about 2 am the deputy is getting real drunk. And everybody was leaving. My deputy goes to take a shot but misses the ball and puts the pool cue through the ceiling. He says I am sorry and passes out backward and by chance landing on the couch. OH I think I forgot to mention that I had put some funny stuff in his drink.
I play the great leader and say no problem I will take care of him. so everyone starts leaving and by 1 Am it is just my driver and the deputy. He is out cool just a few moans and groans.
July 28, 2003. drink, eat, banya, drink eat banya. This went on for about 5 hours. Then we played pool. Slowly people started calling it a night. My deputy he loves pool and I keep letting him beat me.
July 27, 2003 Okay, got everyone at the banya. Start with a few toast to everyone. Told them how they were great people. A big help to me. Really laid it on thick to my "traitor deputy". Then hit the banya. I personally beat the shit out of my deputy with the tree branches. He was already so drunk he did not know I was trying to kill him.
July 26, 2003 Going to go through this in detail. Because it was good. First need to tell a secret. You never try to drink a Russian under the table. They are the masters. I have a few tricks I use. First, okay I weight 120 kilos and mostly muscle so I can burn up the alcohol.
Second get you own bottle of vodka and dilute with water by 50%.
Third, once everyone starts getting drunk, start dumping you shots in the food on the floor, in other peoples glasses.
Fourth, eat something before you start drinking shots
Used all of this this on my friend
July 25, 2003 Heading for the banya now let you know what happens. The site, well the visits were down, but now they have jump back up above 100. In several categories have jumped up, gym, Siberia, etc. Why, no idea!
July 24, 2003 The plan is to get everyone drunk. Get my deputy so drunk that he passes out. Send everyone else home then let the fun begin. Only trust my driver on this one so nobody else knows.
Blog Siberia Gym May June July 2003
Look at the Past History of AAH and Web Design March/April 2003
Look at the Past History of AAH and Web Design February/January 2003
Look at the Past History of AAH and Web Design December
Look at the Past History of AAH and Web Design November
Look at the Past History of AAH and Web Design October
Look at the Past History of AAH and Web Design September
Look at the Past History of AAH and Web Design August
SIBERIA GYM WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM