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This is the saga of TSA and the Siberia Gym. Web Design, history, frustration, and a few side trips. TSA is no expert, but he tries hard. Current BLOG
August 9, 2003 The police showed up today asking questions. When was the last time I saw my deputy. Do you know anybody who did not like the guy? I told them yes, everybody in town. No sense of humor they told me to shut up.
August 8, 2003 Okay, the boss does not believe. Rumors are going around that I may be killed by deputy. Of course I thought about it but I would never to it. I had no intention of drowning him in the outhouse tank.
August 7, 2003 Well it took a whole day to recover form the shock, but back working. My deputy has not appeared for work. We have called his apartment but no answer for the last 24 hours. My boss called and thinks I had something to do with it. I told him call the General Director of company X and ask him. I am innocent as a new born lamb.
August 6, 2003 Well we finally got moving and went back to the base. Well actually we went to an all night bar and got wasted, including my driver. Took a taxi back to the base. Went to bed about 6 am and locked the door. You know it was funny getting my deputy but was it worth it? Makes you think what should you do with your life, stop working in Russia, may be?
August 5, 2003 Well we stood there. You know when you have a gun at your back you start thinking. What the hell am I doing here!!!!!!!!!!
August 4, 2003 So my deputy, they got him down. Threw him into the trunk of a Volga. I mean threw him. We just stood there and waved as they drove off with him. All I have to say is we were a little nervous. Actually I was afraid to move for about an hour. Just stood there by the outhouse thinking, almost bought the ranch.
August 3, 2003 All they did was said was do not say a word. They said thanks for doing part of our job. We had been trying to get this guy alone for weeks. Thought you were some of our people for a second. I told them, no problem if you want guy take him. They said, we will and no problem with you guys you must be our business. We will take care of the rest of the problem.
We tried to act cool, but any minute we were waiting for the guns to start shooting. But they polite and thanked us again for find the guy and getting him alone. They said they had been waiting 100 meters down the road for the guy to leave the banya.
Last person here right? I said, Yes definitely everybody has gone.
August 2, 2003 Well when his head had passed the floor but not in the "shit" he screamed okay I know Olga. I know her well. He just spilled his guts and told everything. Boy this guy and gal were a weirdo. He asked what do we want. We had made up a fake recording of an electronic voice that said, leave town within two days. He said no way. Well his head got to just touching the stuff. and he said okay.
Well what happened next caught us by surprised. The General Director's private police(okay mafia) comes up behind us with masks. We did not notice until the barrel of an Kalashnikov touched me on the shoulder. I did not say a word just tapped my driver on the shoulder and pointed back over mine.
August 1, 2003 We do not say anything except, Olga, Olga, the name of the General Director's wife. He screams I do not know an Olga. What a lie everybody knows an Olga in Russia. But what can you do? Well lower him closer to the remains of previous banyas. We made the hole big enough so he could be lower into the tank below.
Boy did he start screaming when we just lowered him 1 cm
July 31, 2003 We put masks on because we have information that my deputy has been fooling around with the wife of the General Director, biggest company in town. Very dangerous thing to do. And it gives us something to scare the guy with. Well he finally wakes up about 3 AM. He already has about 100 mosquitoes bites. He is a little upset. I mean who would not be? Hanging upside down in an outhouse, mosquitoes bites, and two guys laughing at you wearing masks.
July 30, 2003 So our banya is a little primitive. We have an outside toilet and out house. I mean a good one. Good size can handle 3 people at one time. And it is tall. So we take the deputy outside. He is still out of it. We hang him by his feet in the outhouse. on a small winch.
Did I forget to mention that we had stripped off his clothes.
July 29, 2003 Well about 2 am the deputy is getting real drunk. And everybody was leaving. My deputy goes to take a shot but misses the ball and puts the pool cue through the ceiling. He says I am sorry and passes out backward and by chance landing on the couch. OH I think I forgot to mention that I had put some funny stuff in his drink.
I play the great leader and say no problem I will take care of him. so everyone starts leaving and by 1 Am it is just my driver and the deputy. He is out cool just a few moans and groans.
July 28, 2003. drink, eat, banya, drink eat banya. This went on for about 5 hours. Then we played pool. Slowly people started calling it a night. My deputy he loves pool and I keep letting him beat me.
July 27, 2003 Okay, got everyone at the banya. Start with a few toast to everyone. Told them how they were great people. A big help to me. Really laid it on thick to my "traitor deputy". Then hit the banya. I personally beat the shit out of my deputy with the tree branches. He was already so drunk he did not know I was trying to kill him.
July 26, 2003 Going to go through this in detail. Because it was good. First need to tell a secret. You never try to drink a Russian under the table. They are the masters. I have a few tricks I use. First, okay I weight 120 kilos and mostly muscle so I can burn up the alcohol.
Second get you own bottle of vodka and dilute with water by 50%.
Third, once everyone starts getting drunk, start dumping you shots in the food on the floor, in other peoples glasses.
Fourth, eat something before you start drinking shots
Used all of this this on my friend
July 25, 2003 Heading for the banya now let you know what happens. The site, well the visits were down, but now they have jump back up above 100. In several categories have jumped up, gym, Siberia, etc. Why, no idea!
July 24, 2003 The plan is to get everyone drunk. Get my deputy so drunk that he passes out. Send everyone else home then let the fun begin. Only trust my driver on this one so nobody else knows.
July 23, 2003 Well got the banya organized. Lots of guests so my deputy does not suspect anything.
July 22, 2003 The banya is scheduled for Friday night. I can not wait.
July 21, 2003 The plan is in place to do the pay back. Its banya time but with a limited number of guest. The deputy who took the picture can not hold his vodka so this should be easy.
July 20, 2003 Well had it traced by our communications and IT group who has the phone that takes pictures. Pay back is a bitch as they say.
July 19, 2003 the boss called and he was pissed. Seems one of my deputies had a cell phone that took pictures also. So he sent the boss a picture of me holding the baseball bat threatening my deputies. He was not happy. I told him, how can you believe I would do such a thing? He said I believe it I know you.
July 18, 2003 Okay I am back on track. Well added 2 links in the last week. Sent out 14 emails to people but only two came back positive. Somebody suggested I try to link to sites that deal with mental health?
July 17, 2003 May I should go to Disney Land? I would fit right in there with Mickey the Mouse? have no idea why I said that.
July 16, 2003 Okay somebody got through to the boss. But he did not believe them that I was going to go after them with a baseball bat. I mean who would think a high level executive like me would do something like that?
July 15, 2003 Had a great staff meeting. Actually they attempted a "coup". They all said I had to go or else. I asked, "What is the else?" They said, "Well something bad." Right then I pulled out my baseball bat. and said, "Do you really want to see something really bad?" Well they all ran out of the office. I took the precaution of disabling the entire phone system so they could not call the boss.
July 14, 2003 Yes, Monday in Paradise, beautiful Monday. Time for my once a month meeting with the staff. Last one was a little rough. As one group tried to attack me.
July 13, 2003 Yes, decision time where to travel to for a week? Somebody suggested Liberia but I do not know where that is at. Another joker said Iraq.
July 12, 2003 Okay, need some quiet for a few days. And may be a short vacation. Again the natives are getting fed up with me, I can tell. When they start putting signs up, Yankee go home, then you know you need to give them a break.
July 11, 2003 Well I fired the COM. He was not happy. He threw some repellant on my truck by accident they say and then lit a cigarette and threw the match. Burned the paint real bad. An accident, you have to be kidding. I was going to beat the shit out of him but he ran into town.
July 10, 2003 Well I decided to fire the COM. I mean he almost got me fired. Figure if I fire him then the boss will back off.
July 9, 2003 Well it is drying up here so the mosquito population is declining. Good thing as we found that most people are allergic to the repellant we made. The base is jet fuel. People did not like the smell.
July 8, 2003 Game plan for the site. Need to kick myself in the ass. It is climbing in the gym search word so need to start doing things to make it climb. Yes I know, quit reminding me, links, links, links,
July 7, 2003 The Boss says one more wild thing and he will fire me. Just one more thing. You know he has been saying that for 5 years. I mean how is he going to find somebody to work here?
July 6, 2003 Okay, Boss got complaints about me again. Okay, so the locals did not like the dog business. But whose dogs were they in the first place?
July 5, 2003 What does an America and the Death have in common? In the end they always win.
July 4, 2003 America rules, beat their ass in Iraq!!!!!!! Russians hate it when I say that.
July 3, 2003 Well tomorrow is the big day. Siberian American Day. That is what they call it here since I am the only American.
July 2, 2003 Oh, in case you wondered all the snow has melted. Brought that up because my boss asked.
July 1, 2003 So will start on the links in the next day or two. Have to figure out we actually are. A humor site, a Siberia site, a fitness center, well, life goes on
June 30, 2003 As June draws to a close I need to kick my own ass. Need to establish the links, 50 minimum. Only have 5 and assume that is what is holding back the ranking. Of course it could be that the site is shit.
June 29, 2003 the repellant works very well. Once the dogs grow back their hair I am going to pay the COM a bonus.
June 28, 2003 The dogs, well the local animal protection people came and saw us. They said we have to keep them inside the camp until they grow their hair back. I have place COM in charge of this. All the dogs are sleeping in his room now.
June 27, 2003 As you might have guess the dogs went a little crazy. They were tied to stakes in the ground. Well our COM did not put the stakes in very deep. So the dogs went crazy. And went after him. I never saw a human being run so fast. He made it the fence and climbed about one meter when the dogs jumped for him. One of them got him right in the ass. I took 50 stitches to patch him up.
It was a good time for all. The dogs only had a few bites.
June 26, 2003 Okay folks what happens when you have a shaved dog covered with 100 mosquitoes?
June 25, 2003 Well the repellant worked very one. Not one single mosquitoes landed on the dogs. Well the one without the repellant. Well another story. First we need to go to the hospital get some stitches. And I almost killed someone. Well the dogs, don't worry you animal lovers they are all okay.
June 24, 2003 Okay today is the big day we are going to stake out 5 dogs with the new repellant and 5 without and see what happens. Luckily not too many animal activist around here.
June 23, 2003 Strangest thing I have every seen is a shaved dog. They look like great big new born mice. He said he drugged the dogs with sleeping pills, then shaved them. This guy is something else.
June 22, 2003 Our official dog killer said each dog dead or alive 10 dollars. We agree to pay him, but he has to shave the dogs.
June 21, 2003 Gave COM permission for the dog business. All we need is about 10 stray dogs. We are offering 5 dollars per dog so should get some soon. Cost 10 dollars to shoot them so figure it is a good deal for dog killers. The catch a dog but no bullet cost
June 20, 2003 Chief of Mosquitoes well he has another idea. He thinks we can catch some stray dogs. Shave them and stake them out as mosquitoes bait. And he can use them for testing his repellant also. May be this guy has been working here too long?
June 19, 2003 Okay the guy almost died. His throated swelled up he could not breath. Okay, may be we should have thought about not testing on humans.
June 18, 2003 Well we almost killed the guy. Took him back to the camp and he just swelled up. I mean you could not even see his eyes. He actually stopped breathing. So rushed him to the hospital. Had a hard time explaining that we were not trying to kill the guy, or teach him a lesson. The police got involved. These people just do not understand how we do things.
June 17, 2003 Chief of Mosquitoes tried his repellant today. We asked for a volunteer. Had him strip down to his shorts. Put the stuff on him and took him into the woods. Well, actually we tied him to a tree by a rope, just his one leg. Well to our surprise the stuff actually attracted the mosquitoes. We were not very alert. By the time we realized it was attracting them he had about 200 of them sucking his blood.
We were beating him with our jackets to kill them. Dam everything ended up covered with blood.
June 16, 2003 The web, the web, if it was not for the “map of Russia” page we would be dying. It is giving us almost 30% of the hits.
June 15, 2003 Getting mad at myself about not climbing in the rankings for Gym. So optimized again. Okay, it tells me try HARD for building links. Yes, this is the problem as all the other gym sites are plain lousy. But again tried to get some links. Damm program came back and said try harder asshole.
I think somebody messed with the program.
June 14, 2003 COM has may be lost it. He suggested we find about 5 wild dogs. Sedate them, shave them, and use them to attract the mosquitoes away from us. I don’t have a problem with the plan but who would want to shave the dogs. And how long would they live anyway.
June 13, 2003 Weather has been serious bad. Rained every day for one week. And rained hard. So this damm cat tried to come in the camp, to get out of the rain. I dropped kicked it 20 meters
June 12, 2003 Stopped raining and warmed up. We have may be 24 hours before we are invaded.
June 11, 2003 Well COM has decided to design his own repellant. He thinks the sauce our local cook makes for reindeer will repel them. He says it repels humans, why not mosquitoes.
June 10, 2003 We had a talk today from our Chief of Mosquitoes (COM). He is very concerned that this year the mosquitoes will not be repelled by our repellant. It seems our people bought repellant typically used in the United States. We need the stuff that smells like gasoline.
June 9, 2003 Rained again today, well actually it never quit, it has rained for 36 hours. Starting to flood. we assume mosquitoes are massing up outside the base
June 8, 2003 Rained again today. This is 10 days straight. We are gearing up for a mosquito invasions.
June 7, 2003 Well another day another 10 mosquito bites!
June 6, 2003 The boss kill the reward. Well I took down the signs but verbally increased the reward to $300. So what is he going to do to me? I am the only one crazy enough to work here.
June 5, 2003 The boss is upset he found out about the reward. I told him, I want to know, don't you want to know. He said, no, I do not want you killing somebody and burying them in the woods. I said I would not do that, I would just teach the person a lesson.
June 4, 2003 Okay I give up on the hard hat, going to offer a big reward for information about who hit me. Going big time $200.
June 3, 2003 Lots of things going on with the web site. Visits continue to climb. Had a record of 180 visits in one day. Some big school must have assigned a project on Russia.
June 2, 2003 Okay somebody today put a sign on my door, Village People. I think I need to stop wearing the hard hat.
June 1, 2003 Well the temperature hit 28 today and the mosquitoes came out. Would you believe one of the bastards just bit me while I was typing this. They get in everywhere. Nothing can keep them out. They hitchhike on people inside, come through the floors.
May 31, 2003 Starting to feel like an idiot wearing the hard hat. Feels like something from the village people.
May 30, 2003 So need to start working on the links. Fact is get the hits so should be able to climb in the ranking, so assume it is the links.
May 29, 2003 Okay used the brain cells a little. Good old links, ran a check on the site and yes have a total of 5, yes five sites linked to ours.
May 28, 2003 Well ran the web agent ranking and yes we made the first page for "map Russia", and still there. The ranking for gym is just a puzzle like number 60 every where. And how come can not get ranked by MSN search?
May 27, 2003 The web site, well this "map Russia" seems like it is really working. The average number of visits jumped over 120, and almost immediately.
May 26, 2003 I have taken to wearing a hard hat when entering and exiting the gym. The is the supposed plan.
May 25, 2003 Well rumors are coming in that somebody is going to make another run at me. Try to take me out with steel bar. but I going to be ready for them this time.
May 24, 2003 Hits, hits, hits, "map Russia" is getting like 60 a day. Now who in their right mind would be looking for a map of Russia
May 23, 2003 Well demoted someone today to prove to the boss I have not lost my touch. Have a few other people going to get rid of
May 22, 2003 Okay I have got to serious now. Boss says I need to clamp down on things and get things under control. Lose the good attitude. He says I hired you because you are an asshole so be one
May 21, 2003 Well rumors are flying that I have got completely crazy. Yes been in a good mood. Another page in the top ten ranking, who would not be smiling?
May 20, 2003 Hits are really coming in for "map Russia" Okay run web agent ranking and on page one, number 7? And did not even try to optimize for it. Just pure blind luck, sometimes it works
May 19, 2003 Well started getting hits with search work "map Russia", but had optimized for "map of Russia"
May 18, 2003 Sunday today, nobody in the office, a great day. Sun is out, in Siberia, a great day, may be I am going crazy.
May 17, 2003 Yes and today, yes today, our first mosquito was spotted. He was trying to drain the blood from one of our workers. Nailed him with a hammer. Got him but broke the guys' arm but it was worth it to get the firs one of the season
May 16, 2003 Well spotted some blood sucking insects today. The little black ones. And yes I am hot on the trail of the person that hit in the head.
May 15, 2003 They suspect I have some strange disease. Nobody can believe I am actually smiling being here. Give me a few days I say.
May 14, 03 Another good day. Actually the truth. In a good mood as average visits is climbing above 100 per day. Slow and steady progress. Not brute, my normal way.
May 13, 03 Well the temperature dropped today and it started snowing. +30 to -3 the next day. Wind changes direction, and next thing you know it goes from Summer to Winter
May 12, 03 And today well almost 30 degrees. Snow melting so fast you can see it melting. We are taking bets on what else we might find.
May 11, 03 Only problem when the snow melts you see everything you threw away. We found one of our vehicles that went missing over the winter.
May 10, 03 today it was actually warm about +18 where there was not 2 meters of snow, in the parking lot. IN the shade and near the snow about +5. So you can change weather conditions in 5 meters. And yes even had minor dust storms, yes dust storms.
May 9, 03 Just realized that work gym is found on the gym picture page, not index page. So spent about 5 hours optimizing index page for work "gym" for no reason. Intelligent was it not.
8/5/3 Today was a record number of visits. And I love the new logo. Just jumps right out at you.
7/5/03 Well visits keep climbing and the goal is constant growth and reach 10,000 visits per month. Seems to feed on itself but I guess that is the search engine way.
6/5/03 Well good weather again. Just think a big snow storm is coming. Feel it in my head where I got hit.
5/5/03 Today was a good day, it was -10, then in afternoon +10. Your body feels like it is going to blow up with the quick change. But it has not snowed in a week!!!!!!!!! And no mosquitoes yet, may be in a week. This is one of our annual things guessing when the first mosquito comes out.
4/5/03 Well 2 meters of snow on the ground and it is raining. Probably going to flood here. At least you can see the roof of the gym now.
3/5/03 New logo but of course no sales. But hey got personal satisfaction by doing this honest. And Mom likes the new logo much more
2/5/03 Well redid the logo and you can see it above.
Here
is the old one. I think the new one has more, "grab you".
1/5/03 Not much thinking today it is May day. And love it because I get to tell the Russians that is started as an American Holiday. Yes it is true to mark the Haymarket Massacre.
30/4/03 Well after much thought decide the logo was shit. It just did not jump out at you. So doing some thinking and that is hard for me
29/4/03 Well working on adding another page and cutting others. Let's face it nobody visits the joke page, no body.
Blog Siberia
Look at the Past History of TSA and Web Design March/April 2003
Look at the Past History of TSA and Web Design February/January 2003
Look at the Past History of TSA and Web Design December
Look at the Past History of TSA and Web Design November
Look at the Past History of TSA and Web Design October
Look at the Past History of TSA and Web Design September
Look at the Past History of TSA and Web Design August
SIBERIA GYM WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM