WILD SIDE BY THE GERMAN 

Installment No 6,  November 9, 2002 Note This stuff is from his essay "Land of the Nut" written while imprisoned in Siberia for 3 weeks.

Then you have WD-40 that stuff is almost as great.  We as teenagers have figured an interesting way to entertain ourselves with that stuff.  You get a can of it, the kind with that little red tube sticking out of it.  Get a lighter or a match, lighters work better.  Light it and spray the stuff across the flame.  You now have a homemade flamethrower.  This will really be useful while fighting Canada.  The trick is too only do it for a couple seconds or else it will trace back into the can, which will blow up in your hand.   You then will spend some time in the hospital while they pick aluminum shrapnel out of you.  That would really hurt.  So if you try this at home I relinquish all liability for this

Installment No 5,  October 26, 2002 Note This stuff is from his essay "Land of the Nut" written while imprisoned in Siberia for 3 weeks.

A lot of people find it hard to find a job these days. Some of it is the government's fault but if you have no education and are a slacker why should someone hire you?  It is just plain stupid of you.  So don't depend on the rest of us to support you.  Go find a box, put it under an overpass, and leave us alone. 

               Our government is too kind, we help Mexico, we help Somalia.  Why don't we help our selves? We have to many problems at home to help out other nations.  We rose out of the ashes of war, you can do it to. 

         It will take some effort but you need to get over the fact your suffering and do something about it.  What happens to you if you rely on us and we get thrown into civil war or we have to fight China our something.  You'll have to depend on yourself so try to do it now. 

Installment No 4,  October 12, 2002 Note This stuff is from his essay "Land of the Nut" written while imprisoned in Siberia for 3 weeks.

Teachers have a job which would drive most insane. I personally am surprised on of them hasn't started shooting yet. I think teachers should be allowed to carry tasers. Some kid refuses to sit down so the teacher shocks him. After a few times of that any kid would do almost anything the teacher says.

Most of my teachers have been pretty good. I had a teacher in the sixth grade named Mr. Kesterson, he had a thing against penguins, the little black and white things at the South pole(not North, political correctness again). Now how the hell do you hate penguins. What on Earth could a penguin do to you that would make you hate the whole species. That's another thing wrong with my generation our teachers are insane, we're still doing pretty good though. I guess he just had a bad experience at the zoo when he was little, maybe a penguin ate his brother or something. The rest have been okay, a little nutty but you would have to be to teach us.

Something is seriously wrong with our school system, teaching is the singly most important job on the planet and we pay teachers barely enough to get by. Does that sound wrong, or is it just me? They should be making one or two hundred thousand dollars a year. I mean it is not an easy job you have to put up with all the crap children can think to through at you. They should be able to carry mace too.

Installment No 3, September 7, 2002 Note This stuff is from his essay "Land of the Nut" written while imprisoned in Siberia for 3 weeks.

Life sucks. Nice way to start huh? Is that humor? So all you little kiddies with these dreams of being a spaceman or a firefighter let it go now it will save you some heartbreak and your parents a lot of money on counseling. I figure that starting line right there will go down in history like the famous "It was the best of times it was the worst of times" that Dickens wrote. By the way, that is pretty much the only good thing he wrote the rest was a bunch of boring crap. They make you read a lot of that stuff in high school, may I ask why? We don't need to know the circumstances of Victorian times. This is the 90's I could not care less about Pip's life story.

Why do people insist on telling us stuff we don't need to know? I'm writing this on an airplane and they have this little map on the monitor that shows our route; zooms in shows progress; zooms in shows progress; zooms in shows progress. I don't need to know this. It is the pilot's job to know where we're going, and if he doesn't I'm really scared. It also shows the current temperature at, waiting for the screen, at 35000 feet, which just happens to be –63 degrees Fahrenheit. Why do I need to know this, I'm not going to step outside for a quick breath of fresh air, unless I've had way to many of those little alcohol bottles. Since I'm flying Lufthansa everything is half in Germ half in English and it is really starting to piss me off. The stewardesses can only say things like would like a pillow, chicken or pasta.

This is just one of the many signs of the current state of decline the world is in. Yep Satan's sitting their going hmm what can I throw at those pathetic little mortals next, I know how about call waiting, let's humor them. Then our frustration with that damned (place noun here) drives to kill one of our fellow men, oh wait political correctness, persons.

Installment No 2, August 7, 2002 Note This stuff is from his essay "Land of the Nut" written while imprisoned in Siberia

Time also goes slower on Monday. Why? Because if your in college your usually hung over, When your a kid it's because you've been doing stuff all weekend, and when your old it's because your just old. When your old you shouldn't be able to wear stuff meant for young people.

Let's say your over two hundred pounds it is just plain wrong to wear a halter top. In Houston there's this thing called the renaissance festival. It has games and a joust so it's pretty cool. But there is a lot of fat middle aged people that get drunk and wear stuff that is way to revealing. I saw what must have been a spry two hundred pound lady wearing a chain mail bikini. I'm surprised I can still see. It should be against the law to do things like that. That is another person who should be shot. Her and whoever sold that to her.

See then you have those European guys that wear "bikini briefs" the problem with that is most of them are fat and French, see another reason to invade France.

Installment No 1, July 15, 2002

Americans need to exercise more. I think it's seventy percent of us that over weight but I'm not sure. It's ninety percent in congress. Why, because we're the only nation we're we telecommute and eat junk food by the ton. People buy the exercise equipment then it sits there and collects dust they should at least make it look nice so if we don't use it, it can be a wall decoration.

Then after we eat all this junk we hunker down with a beer, maybe cigarette and watch sitcoms. So we die of cirrhosis of the liver and lung cancer too. I bet those sitcoms contribute to the suicide rate too.

People here drink too much alcohol. It's a problem that people find it okay to drink lots of beer or if you a middle age man it's considered distinguished to sit down with the paper and have some scotch or whiskey. We don't even notice the winos on the street anymore we just flip them a quarter and go on our way.

Do you realize every time you give them money you're just buying their next drink. Then they turn up in the hospital and we end up paying for it. We need to have our soldiers put up a sign for a keg party in whinoville all the drunks will come then we just cut them down with machine guns. It would help with the welfare and unemployment problem too. What do you think cost more a bullet or supporting a drinking habit for ten years?

                            "The German"

The opinion of the German are the German's not management's, not anybody else but The German.